When Co-Parenting Starts Early: Protecting Your Baby’s Needs

Sometimes families don’t stay together, and sometimes a breakup happens during pregnancy or in the very early days after birth. It’s more common than people think and it can feel overwhelming when you’re suddenly trying to work out feeding, sleep, emotions, legal rights, and contact arrangements… all at once.

At BFSNN, we support all parents, whatever their family setup. Here’s a gentle guide to help you understand what the law says, what newborns actually need, and how co-parenting can work in those early weeks.

What the law actually says (in simple terms)

Here’s the bit many parents aren’t told clearly:

• The birth mother automatically has parental responsibility (PR).

• A father has PR if he was married to the mother at the time of birth, or if he is named on the birth certificate.

• There is no legal requirement for the mother to name the father on the birth certificate.

• PR gives a parent certain rights, but it does not allow anyone to demand long periods of care away from the other parent, especially with a very young or breastfeeding baby.

• Under the Children Act 1989, the court must always put the welfare of the child first.

This means decisions must be based on what is best for the baby, not adult preferences, pressure, or convenience.

What newborns and young babies actually need

Whether parents live together or apart, the biology of newborns doesn’t change. Babies in the first weeks:

• feed 8–12+ times in 24 hours

• need the feeding parent very close

• struggle with long stretches away from the breast/chest

• rely on contact with their main caregiver to regulate temperature, breathing, stress hormones, and digestion

• often cluster-feed in the evenings

• need safe supervision for every nap and night-time sleep

Newborns simply aren’t designed for long separations, emotionally or biologically.

When feeding is disrupted or the baby is taken away for long periods:

• milk supply can drop

• mum may become engorged or develop mastitis

• baby may feed less effectively

• both may become distressed

These aren’t opinions, they’re well-established facts supported by NHS, UNICEF and infant-feeding research.

What about formula?

Some parents think giving a bottle will “fix” the problem, but formula feeding brings its own risks, including:

• no antibodies or live immune protection

• higher risk of tummy bugs, chest infections and ear infections

• changes to the baby’s gut and immune development

• strict sterilising and preparation rules

• potential supply drop and breastfeeding disruption if used in the early weeks

Formula can be a safe alternative when needed, but it doesn’t remove the need for the feeding parent to be close, especially in the early weeks.

Co-parenting in the newborn period: what works best

When parents are separated, the most workable and baby-friendly approach usually includes:

• the non-feeding parent spending time in the same home

• holding, soothing, winding and settling the baby

• doing nappies, baths, cuddles and skin-to-skin

• supporting the feeding parent to rest, shower or eat, doing house chore and looking after other children as needed.

• keeping contact frequent, gentle and flexible

• avoiding long separations until feeding is well established

As baby grows older, arrangements can become more flexible, but the early weeks need to be protected.

If things feel difficult

Early separation, disagreements about contact, or pressure to stop breastfeeding can all feel incredibly stressful. You’re not alone.

Parents can reach out for:

• National Breastfeeding Helpline: 0300 100 0212

• ABM Helpline: 0300 330 5453

• Family Mediation Council (if communication is tricky)

• Citizen’s Advice or a local family law service for legal information

• Relate or your GP for emotional support if needed

You deserve support, not pressure.

Co-parenting doesn’t have to be a battle. Even if a relationship ends early, both parents can still play a loving and meaningful role.

But in those fragile first weeks, the baby’s needs are the compass.

And the law supports that.

The science supports that.

And BFSNN supports you through every step.

Marion Frey-AlQurashi Mindful Breastfeeding Practitioner