No Bad Habits: The Truth About Newborn Sleep & How to Cope with Sleep Deprivation 🧸🌙

If you’re a new parent, you’ve probably heard warnings about rocking your baby to sleep, feeding them to sleep, cuddling them, or even bed-sharing  all labelled as “bad habits.” The usual message? “If you start now, you’ll never stop,” or “They won’t learn to self-soothe.”

Let me reassure you: this isn’t backed by solid evidence.  In fact, plenty of research shows these so-called “bad habits” are completely normal, biologically appropriate, and beneficial for both you and your baby.

Why Do Newborns Sleep Like This? 😴

From birth to about one month old, babies sleep roughly 16 to 18 hours a day, but only in short stretches of 2 to 3 hours, sometimes even just 10 minutes at a time. Here’s why:

• Their internal body clocks (circadian rhythms) haven’t developed yet.

• Tiny tummies need frequent refuelling and  breastmilk digests very quickly.

• Over half their sleep is active (similar to REM sleep in adults), supporting rapid brain growth but making them easier to wake.

This isn’t a problem to fix, but a survival mechanism honed by thousands of years of human evolution. Babies have always slept close to caregivers, waking often to feed and seek comfort. Those instincts remain today.

Closeness Is Not a Habit  It is a Need 🤱

Physical contact with a caregiver helps regulate your baby’s temperature, heart rate, breathing, and stress levels. Research shows that closeness:

• Supports healthy brain development

• Lowers stress hormones

• Builds emotional security

• Helps create more stable sleep cycles over time

Rocking, feeding, or cuddling to sleep are not modern “extras.” In the womb, babies fall asleep to movement, constant nourishment, and the sound of your heartbeat, birth doesn’t suddenly switch those needs off.

Won’t They Always Need Me to Get to Sleep? 🌙

No. As babies grow, their brains and bodies change:

• Breastmilk digests quickly, so tummy troubles like wind are rarely the cause of night waking. If you’re worried, speak to a trained breastfeeding counsellor, midwife, or GP.

• The ability to self-soothe develops gradually, often after the first year, and the need for external soothing fades naturally, just like nappies or pushchairs.

• Most children’s sleep settles between two and three years old, but night waking is perfectly normal (and comforting) well beyond toddlerhood. Even older children sometimes wake needing a cuddle or reassurance.

The Real Sleep Timeline & Why “Regression” Isn’t the Right Word 📈💤

Many parents find sleep feels best around three months. Your baby might start sleeping longer at night, settle easily, or nap in their own space. Then around four months, sleep can seem to unravel  this is not backwards, it is a developmental leap.

• 0–3 months: Frequent waking, short sleep cycles, high need for contact

• 3 months: Usually the most consolidated sleep of the first year

• 4–5 months: More waking as brain development shifts sleep patterns

• 6 months: Sometimes a brief improvement

• 8–10 months: Often the most disrupted period (separation anxiety, crawling, teething)

• 11–18 months: Gradual improvement, but night waking and feeds remain common and important for comfort and development 🧸

Even after one year, waking for reassurance, comfort, or feeds is normal,  especially during teething, illness, or growth spurts. Night waking can continue into the preschool years and isn’t a sign that something’s wrong.

What Really Counts as a “Bad Habit”? 🤔

A bad habit is something that causes harm. If feeding, rocking, or cuddling your baby to sleep brings comfort to you both, helps you rest, and supports bonding, it’s not harmful. The evidence points to these practices promoting healthy development.

The real challenge is unrealistic societal expectations pushing early independence before babies are ready.

Coping with Sleep Deprivation: Practical Tips

Being a new parent is tough  especially when sleep is scarce. Here are some practical ways to cope while staying connected to your baby:

Simplify and Accept Help

• Keep things as easy as possible. If you have a partner, ask them to share responsibilities.

• Lower your standards it is more  OK if the house isn’t perfect right now.

• Accept help from family and friends, and if you can, consider paid support for housework or meals.

Look After Yourself

• Put on your own oxygen mask first, take care of your physical and mental health before trying to fix everything else.

• Self-care gives you the strength to care for your baby.

•  Encourage Movement and Fresh Air for the whole family.

Understand Sleep and Watch for Concerns

• Frequent waking is normal but if your baby’s sleep seems disrupted, you are worried about baby’s feeding habit then please contact the National Breastfeeding Helpline or your GP/111 if you have any health concerns. Watch your baby’s total sleep over 24 hours, but don’t stress about wakings. For older babies, if they nap too much during the day, adjusting nap lengths or bedtime can help. This isn’t recommended for newborns, who naturally need frequent, short sleep periods and shouldn’t be forced into a schedule. Babies need physical activity and time outdoors. Daily walks or play help them get tired naturally and promote better sleep.

Trust Your Instincts and Let Go of “Shoulds”

• You know your baby best  trust your gut and focus on what feels right for your family.

• Parenting advice can be overwhelming, so try to be present rather than worrying about what “should” happen next.

Remember: This Stage Will Pass

• Babies grow fast, and sleep deprivation won’t last forever.

• Be kind to yourself and remember that tomorrow might be easier than today.

Celebrate Small Wins

• It’s easy to feel like you haven’t done much after a tough day, but every small act of love matters.

• Acknowledge your efforts all those little things add up.

The Bottom Line 🌿💤

Your newborn’s sleep isn’t broken. It’s beautifully adapted to human biology and history. Frequent waking, needing contact, and falling asleep in your arms aren’t failures or bad habits. They’re signs of a healthy baby doing exactly what they’re designed to do.

Work with those instincts, create a nurturing sleep environment, and support both your baby’s needs and your own rest. One day, they’ll drift off without you, but until then, being a human mattress is perfectly fine  🛏️😉.

For up-to-date, evidence-based information, visit Baby Sleep Information Source (BASIS) and the National Breastfeeding Helpline : 0300 100 0212 https://www.nationalbreastfeedinghelpline.org.uk/

Marion Frey-Alqurashi

Mindful Breastfeeding Practitioner and Certified  Breastfeeding & Lactation Specialist.